New Fuck Button's album is pretty sweet
Better the broken Windows than life with the Mac monks
I admit it: I’m a bigot. A hopeless bigot at that: I know my particular prejudice is absurd, but I just can’t control it. It’s Apple. I don’t like Apple products. And the better-designed and more ubiquitous they become, the more I dislike them. I blame the customers. Awful people. Awful. Stop showing me your iPhone. Stop stroking your Macbook. Stop telling me to get one.
Seriously, stop it. I don’t care if Mac stuff is better. I don’t care if Mac stuff is cool. I don’t care if every Mac product comes equipped with a magic button on the side that causes it to piddle gold coins and resurrect the dead and make holographic unicorns dance inside your head. I’m not buying one, so shut up and go home. Go back to your house. I know, you’ve got an iHouse. The walls are brushed aluminum. There’s a glowing Apple logo on the roof. And you love it there. You absolute monster.
I feel similarly.
(via mypeterpancomplex)
Evolution of a racist jape
I’m so bored today I’m reading the Sacramento Press. All of it.
Look at this weird thing I found there:
3/22/09 04:30PM
this gowd artcle. hope legal suen.
03/22/09 04:31PM
this gowd artcle. hope legal suen. i eat cats.
03/22/09 04:32PM
this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i eat dogs.
03/22/09 04:34PM
this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. — Mai Linh Sacramento i eat dog.
03/22/09 04:36PM
this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thi playc. i eat dog, hotdog i meen when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento
03/22/09 04:38PM
this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thi playc. i eat dog, hotdog i meen when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento
03/22/09 04:39PM
this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thes playc. i eat doghot when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento
You can see the changes “Mai Linh” made by clicking on “edited on.”
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Well it's a dog eat dog Eat cat too The French eat frog And I eat you
AC/DC, “Dog Eat Dog”
All this eating. I need to get some lunch.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Girl you're in the kitchen Cooking me a meal Something makes me wanna come in there and get a feel Walk around in your t-shirt Nothing else on Strutting pass, switching that ass while I'm on the phone Cutting up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thing i want Sex in the kitchen over by the stove Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls Hands on the table, on your tippy toes We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed [snip] Girl I'm ready to toss your salad
R. Kelly, “In The Kitchen”
Man, I’m getting hungry.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Young, black and famous With money hangin' Out the anus
—Puff Daddy and Mase, “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down”
Nice rhyme, though.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Now you're amazed By the VIP posse Steppin' so hard Like a German Nazi
—Vanilla Ice, “Play That Funky Music”
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face
Quiet Riot - “Let’s Get Crazy”
Back to hair metal. Much better.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Let me let you in on a secret How to treat a woman right If you're lookin' for a place in her heart It ain't gonna happen overnight First you gotta learn to listen To understand her deepest thoughts She needs to know you can be friends Before she'll give you all she's got
Shania Twain, “If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!”
Like I said, C&W = not cringeworthy. I read this, and all I do is picture is Margaret Mead sitting cross-legged in a big circle of giggling Samoan women, scribbling field notes.
This is really good insight into the dating rituals of the tribe known as Contemporary Women. They got jobs now, Hoss, so you better treat ‘em right. Otherwise, it’s gonna be a lonesome night tonight
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
I got the hungrys for your love and I’m waiting in your welfare line
Buck Owens, “Your Welfare Line”
I’m trying to find cringeworthy country and western lyrics, and it is not easy. There’s a lot of sappy lyrics, but that’s not the same. C&W songwriters use a lot of clever wordplay, and cleverness, I think, is a prophylactic against cringeworthiness.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
Someone's always playing corporation games. Who cares they're always changing corporation names.
—Jefferson Airplane Jefferson Starship Starship, “We Built This City”
This one’s contextual.
FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics
It’s natural, it’s a release It’s natural, it’s a release It’s a release, it’s a release, it’s a release It’s a release, it’s a release, it’s a release A release from what? Your sexual appetite!? Forget it! Get real!! It’s artificial sex!!! (Chorus) Masturbation – is artificial sex (x3)
—Lust Control “The Big ‘M’”
I needs me some Lust Control…the complete discography, in fact.
