Monday, November 9, 2009

New Fuck Button's album is pretty sweet

Tarot Sport - Fuck Buttons
Sunday, November 8, 2009 Saturday, November 7, 2009
grl-afraid:

(via mypeterpancomplex)
In the end, [Rod] Serling, much like his big-screen model Orson Welles, was a polymath showboat whose instinct for hamming led him increasingly in front of the camera, to end his days sadly renting out his charisma as a game-show host, documentary narrator, and commercial pitchman for Schlitz Beer and Famous Writer’s Correspondence School. Jonathan Lethem :: Serling

Evolution of a racist jape

I’m so bored today I’m reading the Sacramento Press. All of it.

Look at this weird thing I found there:

3/22/09 04:30PM

this gowd artcle. hope legal suen.

03/22/09 04:31PM

this gowd artcle. hope legal suen. i eat cats.

03/22/09 04:32PM

this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i eat dogs.

03/22/09 04:34PM

this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. — Mai Linh Sacramento i eat dog.

03/22/09 04:36PM

this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thi playc. i eat dog, hotdog i meen when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento

03/22/09 04:38PM

this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thi playc. i eat dog, hotdog i meen when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento

03/22/09 04:39PM

this gowd artcle. hope legel suen. i injoy bikeng when i don wah my 14 kid. i move from china to thes playc. i eat doghot when i bike to the parck. — Mai Linh Sacramento

Link

You can see the changes “Mai Linh” made by clicking on “edited on.”

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Well it's a dog eat dog
Eat cat too
The French eat frog
And I eat you

AC/DC, “Dog Eat Dog”

All this eating. I need to get some lunch.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Girl you're in the kitchen
Cooking me a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there and get a feel
Walk around in your t-shirt
Nothing else on
Strutting pass, switching that ass while I'm on the phone

Cutting up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes
Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thing i want

Sex in the kitchen over by the stove
Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls
Hands on the table, on your tippy toes
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed

[snip]

Girl 
I'm 
ready 
to 
toss 
your 
salad

R. Kelly, “In The Kitchen”

Man, I’m getting hungry.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Young, black and famous
With money hangin'
Out the anus

—Puff Daddy and Mase, “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down”

Nice rhyme, though.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Now you're amazed
By the VIP posse
Steppin' so hard
Like a German Nazi

—Vanilla Ice, “Play That Funky Music”

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face

Quiet Riot - “Let’s Get Crazy”

Back to hair metal. Much better.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Let me let you in on a secret
How to treat a woman right
If you're lookin' for a place in her heart
It ain't gonna happen overnight 
First you gotta learn to listen
To understand her deepest thoughts
She needs to know you can be friends
Before she'll give you all she's got 

Shania Twain, “If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!”

Like I said, C&W = not cringeworthy. I read this, and all I do is picture is Margaret Mead sitting cross-legged in a big circle of giggling Samoan women, scribbling field notes.

This is really good insight into the dating rituals of the tribe known as Contemporary Women. They got jobs now, Hoss, so you better treat ‘em right. Otherwise, it’s gonna be a lonesome night tonight

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

I got the hungrys for your love 
and I’m waiting in your welfare line

Buck Owens, “Your Welfare Line”

I’m trying to find cringeworthy country and western lyrics, and it is not easy. There’s a lot of sappy lyrics, but that’s not the same. C&W songwriters use a lot of clever wordplay, and cleverness, I think, is a prophylactic against cringeworthiness.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

Someone's always playing
corporation games.
Who cares they're always
changing corporation names.

Jefferson Airplane Jefferson Starship Starship, “We Built This City”

This one’s contextual.

FuckYeahCringeworthyLyrics

It’s natural, it’s a release
It’s natural, it’s a release
It’s a release, it’s a release, it’s a release
It’s a release, it’s a release, it’s a release
A release from what? Your sexual appetite!?
Forget it! Get real!! It’s artificial sex!!!
 
(Chorus)
Masturbation – is artificial sex (x3)

—Lust Control “The Big ‘M’”

I needs me some Lust Control…the complete discography, in fact.